Rishte ka faisla zindagi ke sab se bare faislon mein se ek hai. Aksar ghar mein do tarah ki aawazein hoti hain: ek kehti hai "jaldi haan kar do, achha rishta hai", aur doosri kehti hai "abhi ruk jao, poori tasalli kar lo". Beech mein woh larka ya larki hota hai jis ki zindagi ka faisla ho raha hai, aur jo aksar sab se zyada uljhan mein hota hai.
Is article mein hum baat karenge ke istikhara, mashwara aur apni aqal teeno ko saath le kar kaise ek sukoon wala faisla kiya ja sakta hai.
Istikhara kya hai, aur kya nahi?
Istikhara ka matlab hai Allah se behtari aur rehnumai maangna. Ye ek dua hai jo insan apne faislay mein Allah ki madad ke liye karta hai. Bohat se log istikhara ko sirf khwab dekhne se jor dete hain, ya kisi aur se "istikhara karwa kar" jawab ka intezar karte hain. Ulema aam taur par samjhate hain ke istikhara ka asal maqsad dil ka itminan aur rasta asaan hona hai, kisi khaas khwab ka aana zaroori nahi.
- Istikhara khud karna behtar hai, kyunke faisla aap ka hai.
- Istikhara mashwara aur tehqeeq ka mutabadil nahi. Dono saath saath chalte hain.
- Agar dil mein ghabrahat ho to us par ghaur karein, lekin har darr ko "isharah" samajhna bhi zaroori nahi. Kabhi kabhi ghabrahat sirf naye qadam ka khauf hoti hai.
Deeni masail ki tafseel ke liye apne ilaqe ke kisi mo'tabar alim se rehnumai lein.
Mashwara kis se karein?
Mashwara zaroori hai, lekin har kisi se nahi. Achha mashwara dene wala woh hota hai jo:
- Aap ka khair-khwah ho, na ke apni marzi thopne wala.
- Dono families ko jaanta ho ya haqaiq tak pohanch sakta ho.
- Raaz rakh sake. Rishte ki baatein poore khandan mein phail jayein to faisla aur mushkil ho jata hai.
Walidain, ek samajhdar bhai behan, ya koi buzurg jin par bharosa ho, achhe mashwara dene wale ho sakte hain. Lekin yaad rakhein: mashwara madad ke liye hai, faisla un logon ka hai jin ki shadi ho rahi hai aur un ke walidain ka.
Tehqeeq: imandari se, izzat ke saath
Islam mein bhi aur aqal ke lihaz se bhi, rishte ke bare mein maloomat hasil karna zaroori hai. Lekin tehqeeq ka matlab jasoosi ya kisi ki ghalti dhoondna nahi. Kuch munasib tareeqay:
- Talim aur naukri ki tasdeeq aise logon se karein jo waqai jaante hon.
- Mohallay ya biradari mein family ki shohrat ke bare mein soch samajh kar poochhein.
- Agar larka ya larki bahar rehte hain to un ke rehne aur kaam ki asal soorat-e-haal jaanein.
- Sehat ke ahem masail, jaise thalassemia test, sanjeedgi ke marhale par khamoshi aur izzat se zair-e-behes layein.
Apne dil ki sunna bhi zaroori hai
Kai dafa sab kuch "kaghaz par" theek hota hai, lekin larki ya larka mutmain nahi hota. Is be-itminani ko nazar-andaz karna ghalat hai. Shadi ke liye dono ki raza zaroori hai, aur ye raza dabao ke baghair honi chahiye.
Apne aap se kuch sawal poochhein:
- Kya main is insan ke saath izzat aur sukoon mehsoos karta/karti hoon?
- Kya hamari zindagi ki bunyadi tarjeehat (deen, family, career, rehne ki jagah) milti hain?
- Kya mujhe koi aisi baat pareshan kar rahi hai jo main kisi se keh nahi paa raha/rahi?
- Agar ye rishta na ho to kya mujhe dukh hoga ya sukoon?
Dabao ka saamna kaise karein?
Aksar dabao ye hota hai ke "itna achha rishta phir nahi milega" ya "umar nikal rahi hai". Ye fikrein mohabbat se hoti hain, lekin in ki wajah se jaldbazi ka faisla zindagi bhar ka pachhtawa ban sakta hai.
- Apne walidain se aram se baat karein aur unhein batayein ke aap ko kya cheez pareshan kar rahi hai.
- Waqt maangein. "Mujhe ek hafta chahiye soch ne ke liye" ek bilkul jaiz darkhwast hai.
- Agar koi khaas sawal hai to doosri family se poochhne mein sharminda na hon.
Hamare article walidain se rishte ki baat kaise karein mein is par aur tafseel hai.
Faisla karne ka ek asaan tareeqa
- Haqaiq jama karein: talim, kaam, family, rehne ki jagah, deeni rujhan.
- Apni tarjeehat likhein: teen cheezein jo zaroori hain aur teen jin par samjhauta ho sakta hai.
- Mashwara karein chand bharosemand logon se.
- Istikhara karein aur dua jaari rakhein.
- Kuch din sochein, jaldi na karein.
- Faisla karein aur us par bharosa rakhein.
Jab jawab "na" ho
Agar aap ka faisla na ho to doosri family ko jald aur izzat se bata dein. Lambi khamoshi sab se zyada takleef deti hai. Kisi ki burai karne ki zaroorat nahi; itna kehna kaafi hai ke "hum samajhte hain ye rishta hamare liye munasib nahi, Allah aap ke liye behtar kare."
Aam ghalat fehmiyan
"Istikhara ka jawab sirf khwab mein aata hai"
Bohat se log samajhte hain ke istikhara ke baad koi khaas khwab zaroor aayega. Ulema aam taur par samjhate hain ke istikhara Allah se behtari maangne ki dua hai, aur us ke baad jo raasta asaan ho aur dil jis par mutmain ho, wahi behtari ki nishani ho sakti hai. Khwab na aana koi bura shagun nahi.
"Kisi aur se istikhara karwana kaafi hai"
Kisi naik shakhs se dua karwana achhi baat hai, lekin faisla jis ka hai, behtar hai ke woh khud bhi istikhara aur dua kare. Sirf kisi doosre ke "jawab" par apni zindagi ka faisla chhor dena munasib nahi.
"Agar istikhara achha aaya to tehqeeq ki zaroorat nahi"
Istikhara aur tehqeeq aik doosre ke mutabadil nahi. Deen bhi hamein samajh boojh aur ehtiyat sikhata hai. Dono kaam saath saath karein.
Aik misaal
Aik larki ke liye do rishte aaye. Aik family bohat khush-haal thi, lekin larke ke saath baat karke larki ko itminan nahi hua. Doosri family saada thi, lekin larka samajhdar aur narm mizaj laga. Ghar walon ka dabao pehle rishte ki taraf tha. Larki ne apni walida se khul kar baat ki, family ne dono rishton ki khamoshi se tehqeeq ki, aur istikhara bhi kiya. Kuch hafte baad sab ko doosre rishte par itminan mehsoos hua. Is misaal ka sabaq ye nahi ke saada rishta hamesha behtar hota hai, balkay ye ke faisla haqaiq, mashwara, dua aur dil ke itminan se hona chahiye, sirf maali haalat se nahi.
Larkon ke liye khaas baat
Aksar ye samjha jata hai ke sirf larkiyon ko soch samajh kar faisla karna chahiye. Haqeeqat ye hai ke larkon ke liye bhi apni pasand aur tarjeehat ka izhar utna hi zaroori hai. Agar aap ko kisi rishte par itminan nahi, to adab ke saath walidain ko batayein. Shadi aap ki zindagi ka bhi utna hi bara faisla hai.
Aksar poochhe jane wale sawal
Faisla karne mein kitna waqt lena theek hai?
Chand din se chand hafte aam baat hai. Lekin doosri family ko lambe arse tak intezar mein rakhna munasib nahi. Agar zyada waqt chahiye to unhein bata dein.
Agar walidain aur hamari raaye mukhtalif ho?
Aram se baat karein, apni wajahein batayein, aur walidain ki fikron ko bhi samjhein. Zaroorat ho to kisi aise buzurg ko shamil karein jis ki dono izzat karte hon. Hamara article walidain se baat kaise karein madadgar hoga.
Agar "haan" ke baad shak ho?
Mangni ke baad bhi agar koi sanjeeda fikr samne aaye to usay chhupayein nahi. Walidain se baat karein. Ghalat faisle par qaim rehne se behtar hai ke waqt par usay durust kar liya jaye.
Akhri baat
Achha faisla woh hai jo dua, mashwara, tehqeeq aur dil ke itminan ke saath kiya jaye. Jaldi aur dabao mein kiya gaya faisla aksar bojh banta hai, jabke sukoon se kiya gaya faisla, chahe "haan" ho ya "na", aage chal kar bhi sukoon deta hai.
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