Mental health is still a difficult subject in many Pakistani families. Anxiety, depression and stress are often hidden, described as "weakness", or blamed on a lack of faith. In a rishta, families may fear that mentioning a past struggle will end the conversation. Yet emotional wellbeing affects every part of a marriage, and honest, compassionate conversation protects both partners.
This article is general information, not medical advice. If you or someone you love is struggling, please speak to a qualified mental health professional.
Mental health is health
Just as people can have diabetes or high blood pressure, they can experience anxiety, depression or other conditions. Many are common, treatable and manageable with the right support. Seeking help, whether from a doctor, psychologist or counsellor, is a responsible decision, not a sign of weak character or weak faith. Many scholars encourage seeking treatment alongside prayer and spiritual support.
Should mental health be discussed during a rishta?
There is no need to share every detail at the first meeting. But if someone has a condition that affects daily life or needs ongoing treatment, it is fair and wise to share it once both families are serious and before the nikah. A spouse who learns about it later may feel deceived, and that loss of trust can do more damage than the condition itself.
How to share:
- Choose a private, calm moment, first between the two people if possible.
- Explain what it is, how it affects you, and how you manage it.
- Share what helps you when things are hard.
- Invite questions and answer honestly.
For the person hearing it
- Listen without judgement and thank them for their honesty.
- Ask questions to understand, not to label.
- Take time to think; you do not need to decide in the moment.
- Keep it confidential. Sharing someone's health information with others is a serious breach of trust.
Stress around marriage itself
Even people with no history of mental health problems can find the rishta process stressful: repeated meetings, rejection, family pressure and wedding planning. Our article on coping with rejection may help. After marriage, adjusting to a new home, new family and new responsibilities can also bring anxiety or low mood, particularly for brides who move to a new city.
Signs that someone may need support
- Persistent sadness, emptiness or hopelessness.
- Losing interest in things they used to enjoy.
- Changes in sleep or appetite.
- Constant worry, panic or restlessness.
- Withdrawing from family and friends.
- Thoughts of self-harm.
If someone talks about harming themselves, treat it seriously and seek professional or emergency help immediately.
How couples can support each other
- Check in regularly: "How are you really feeling this week?"
- Share the load of household and family responsibilities.
- Protect rest and routine: sleep, meals and time outdoors help.
- Keep criticism private and kind.
- Encourage professional help without forcing it, and offer to go together.
The family's role
Families can either increase stigma or reduce it. Comments like "just pray more" or "what will people say" stop people from seeking help. Gentle support, patience and privacy encourage them to get better. Parents and in-laws can make a real difference by saying simply: "We are with you, and it is fine to get help."
Finding help in Pakistan
Many hospitals have psychiatry or psychology departments, and there are licensed psychologists and counsellors in major cities, many of whom also offer online sessions. Ask your family doctor for a referral, and check that any practitioner you choose is properly qualified.
Common pressures on young couples in Pakistan
- Financial stress: rising living costs, wedding debts and supporting family members.
- Adjustment to a new household: especially for brides moving into joint families.
- Expectations about children: questions from relatives soon after marriage, or difficulties conceiving.
- Distance: couples separated by work or visa processes.
- Career pressure: long hours, job insecurity or study demands.
Recognising these pressures as common, rather than personal failures, helps couples support each other instead of blaming each other.
Postpartum wellbeing
After childbirth, many mothers experience emotional changes. Some feel low for a short time; others experience more persistent depression or anxiety that needs care. Families sometimes dismiss this as ordinary tiredness. If a new mother seems persistently sad, anxious, unable to sleep even when the baby sleeps, or disconnected from her baby, encourage her to speak to a doctor. Support from her husband and family, practical help with the baby and rest, makes a significant difference.
Supporting a spouse who is struggling
- Listen first. Avoid rushing to solutions or minimising their feelings.
- Ask how you can help. Sometimes it is practical help; sometimes it is simply company.
- Encourage professional help gently. Offer to find a professional or go to the first appointment together.
- Look after yourself too. Supporting someone can be tiring; keep your own support network.
- Protect their privacy. Share only what they are comfortable with, and only with people who can help.
Faith and mental health
For many people, prayer, Quran recitation and community bring comfort and resilience. Faith and professional treatment are not opposites. Many scholars encourage seeking medical help while also turning to Allah. A spouse who says "pray more" without also encouraging care may unintentionally leave their partner without help they need.
Frequently asked questions
Will mentioning anxiety or depression ruin my rishta?
Some families may react poorly, but many will appreciate honesty, especially if you explain how you manage it. A family that responds with compassion is more likely to support you in marriage.
How do I know if it is stress or something more?
If feelings are intense, last for weeks, or interfere with daily life, it is worth speaking to a professional.
Where can I find help confidentially?
Start with your family doctor, a hospital psychiatry or psychology department, or a qualified counsellor. Many offer confidential online sessions.
Key takeaways
- Mental health is part of health, and seeking help is responsible, not weak.
- Share significant conditions honestly once a rishta is serious, before the nikah.
- Listen without judgement and keep health information private.
- The rishta process, adjustment after marriage and new parenthood can all be stressful.
- Faith and professional care work together.
- If anyone talks about self-harm, seek help immediately.
Final thought
Honesty about wellbeing is not a weakness in a rishta; it is a sign of maturity. Marriages built on understanding and compassion are better able to weather the difficult seasons every family faces.
